PARALYZING FEAR BEFORE A SPEECH?

There are a few reasons why people are afraid to stand up in front of a group and speak:

• The fear of being ridiculed;
• The fear of being judged;
• Separation anxiety (everyone else is seated and you aren’t).

I have worked with enough people throughout the years to understand that I can’t snap my fingers to make the fear disappear.  But, I can help anyone appear more confident.

How?  Instead of spending sleepless nights fearful of failure, turn that negative energy and useless worry into something positive.  Write down all of your positive traits, and remind yourself the value you bring to your organization.  Do you have an energetic, engaging personality?  Are you genuine and sincere?  Do you have a deep expertise in the suject matter?

Prepare!  Don’t wait until the last minute.

Practice!  At least 6 times before the presentation.

Take time, before your speech that day, to mentally walk through each aspect of your presentation.  Picture yourself speaking with confidence and clarity.

When it is your time to speak and as you take your place in front of the room, don’t let the fear show in your posture.  Think of what your mother drummed into you….STAND UP STRAIGHT.

Are you still feeling the butterflies?  Channel those nerves into a communication skill.

The best skill to include that will mask the nerves is a descriptive, purposeful hand gesture.  Find ways, throughout your speech, to use your hands to describe your theory, plan or widget.

Remember, the listeners want you to succeed.  (Don’t you feel the same when you are sitting in the audience?)

Know that the strengths you have will be evident.  Let that solid foundation power your presentation.

It’s hard to separate the message from the messenger

I recently participated in a focus group.  In addition to a Q&A session, we were also asked to rate the content of some video clips.  We were reminded that the experts in the clip were not trained public speakers, so to please tailor our remarks to what the person had to say, not how s/he said it.

One of the videos was of a man who was responding to a question designed by the research company. When he was answering the question, it was clear he had not prepared:  he had lots of “ums” and “ahs” in between his sentences and his eyes were darting as he was searching for the content.

As we (in the focus group) began to express our reactions, many people remarked how unprepared he sounded, noted that he had too many ums and ahs, and – overall – seemed evasive; in other words, they didn’t listen to the content and didn’t trust his message.

The lesson for all of us is that it is hard, if not almost impossible, for listeners/viewers to separate the message from the messenger.

You ARE the message.  Your communication skills can either enhance your message or serve as a distraction.

So, if you want to be HEARD, do not underestiimate the value of preparation, practice, feedback and the necessity of improving your delivery.

9 steps to responsive listening

“When I speak, I only know what I know. But when I listen, I also know what you know.” This quote by Tony Alessandra is apropos to any phone call or in-person meeting.

I have created a checklist that will help you be a more responsive listener.

1. Look and Lean. This should be your posture when someone is asking a question.

2. Intend to listen. Focus on the question and questioner. Don’t let your mind wander or begin to answer the question before the person has finished.

3. Clarify. Engage the person to make sure you understand the question.

4. Rephrase. Restate the question, in your own words, to make sure you are both on the same track.

5. Read between the lines. Assess a person’s tone of voice and facial expressions to discover a hidden message.

6. Acknowledge the questioner. Giving a compliment or adding a value to the question can help you build rapport. “You bring up an interesting point.” “That’s an important aspect to consider.”

7. Empathize. Validating feelings or emotions shows your sensitivity to the person’s concern. “It is frustrating, I am sure.”

8. Sad and Glad. If someone has had an unpleasant experience with your organization, tell her/him how sorry you are, and express gratitude that s/he brought it to your attention. Then explain what you will do to mollify the person.

9.  Take notes.  This shows your commitment to the questioner.  (If on a phone call, tell the person you are taking notes.)

Connecting to your audience

If you want to connect to your audience, the communication skill that will help you the most is eye contact.

You must look at each audience member for at least two seconds to establish that connection.

Most people want to look at the friendly faces only: the ones who look interested and are nodding in approval.  But you must create trust, build a rapport and connect to those who might be disapproving, look mad or seem bored.

While two seconds may seem a long time to you, it is not.  Most of the participants in my seminars say that it is a sufficient amount of time for them to feel recognized.

If you need to practice, step into a conference room on your lunch break or after work.  Stand at the head of the table and practice looking at each chair for the count of two. This will give you a chance to feel what it is like to go around the room and to experience the two seconds.

Make sure you vary the pattern; don’t go around the room in order.  Look from side to side, front to back.

If you are in a job interview setting, share the eye contact amongst everyone in the room.  Do not let it throw you off if they spend most of the time writing or looking down at their questions.  Continue to look at each person for a sentence or two.

On JobTalk America, I offer presentation and fashion advice for job seekers.
How to avoid job interview fashion disasters
http://www.ustream.tv/recorded/6647454

How to be more confident in your next job interview
http://www.ustream.tv/recorded/6839356

How to show the right amount of energy in your next job interview
http://www.ustream.tv/recorded/7041002

How to master your next phone interview
http://www.ustream.tv/recorded/7246878

How to look contemporary in your job hunt
http://www.ustream.tv/recorded/8528435

Reducing accents

Because I live and work in a very diverse area of the country, some of my clients are from other parts of world and speak with an accent. Many will ask me about accent reduction classes.  I say – being understood and speaking clearly  is far more important than reducing an accent.

One sure way to accomplish precise speech is to practice enunciating while reading a book or newspaper article.  Unclench your jaw and open your mouth more as you pronounce all of the vowels sounds.  Don’t be afraid of exaggerating the movement as you practice at home.  (Most likely it will feel more odd than look odd.)

It is my experience that the mere exercise of opening your mouth fully – to form every word – will enhance your ability to be understood.

Proud Posture

In July’s “Speaking For Impact,” I was coaching a thirty-something woman, who had just been hired by a Fortune 500 company in the San Francisco Bay Area.  She had a Master’s Degree in public policy and was working in government relations.

When she was delivering her prepared speech, there was a disconnect between what she was saying and how she appeared.  Her words were strong and convincing, but her body language was betraying her.  She seemed like a nervous southern belle.

However, with a few posture adjustments (standing balanced, feet at a comfortable distance apart and hands rested at her side), she went from demure to confident.

As she sat down, she declared, “Oh, I get it.  Instead of standing like the President’s wife, I should stand like the President.”

I love those “aha” moments.

Do you share this trait with Ted Turner?

Barack Obama does it during Q & A.  Condi Rice does it in press interviews.  Ted Turner does them all the time.  You might do it when you are unprepared.

Use those nasty filler words that make you sound ignorant, forgetful, unprepared or unsure of yourself.

What is the cure?  The pause.  It is the replacement for non words like um, ah, and, so, or well.

How do you get rid of them?  Practice. Stand in front of a mirror.  Sit at your desk and turn on the webcam.  Stand in your living room and face the sofa.  Begin speaking.  After every sentence, stop for two seconds. Think about what you are going to say.  Resist using any kind of a filler.  Begin speaking again.

Do not be intimidated by this silence.  It is not “dead” air, it’s “active” air.  That’s because the audience is taking notes, visualizing, or processing the information.

I’ve read that it takes three weeks to change a habit.  If that is so, you must practice this everyday, for 21 days, to see/hear a change. However, this hard work will pay off.  Once you get rid of these fillers, you will look – and sound – more comfortable and confident.

Communicate clearly

In every speaking opportunity (be it one-on-one or in a group), there is one skill that will enhance your message and help the audience remember what you have said.  It is a very effective tool.

The pause.

(When scripted, Barack Obama uses the pause well, which highlights many of his strengths including clarity. When off the TelePrompTer, he fills the space between sentences with ums and ahs, making him sound tentative and obfuscating the message.)

Here’s how the pause enhances clarity. You should always stop at the end of every sentence. Because you are stopping and remaining silent for a moment, you are giving the listener a chance to process or reflect upon what you have said; the message becomes clearer.  When you run sentences together, listeners might be keeping up with you, but they don’t have time to really absorb the information.  Retention plummets; nothing stands out.

Additionally, this silence allows you to take a breath and think about what you are going to say next. When you give yourself a moment to think, you can avoid redundancies and digressions and focus on your next sentence.  You become clearer.

To practice, say a sentence.  Then tap your finger twice on the desk.  Then say another sentence and tap.  Repeat this pattern until you get into the habit of pausing at the end of every phrase.  As you practice for the next three weeks, you will eventually vary the pace to sound less mechanical – yet achieve the goal of sounding clear.

In the next blog, I’ll talk about the other benefits of pausing.

Experience a unique training opportunity

On July 14, Judy Grant and I will be presenting “Speaking For Impact.”  It is unique and incredible opportunity to discover your speaking strengths and learn how to leverage them in any presentation.  The training is filled with valuable information, 5 on-camera exercises and the chance to finally receive the critical feedback you need to elevate your speaking style.

grantandassociates.com